Skip to content

Final resting

So most of what I’ve been dealing with has been directly related to my brother’s passing. From the heavy depression to the alcoholism, to the emotions overall. This journey I’ve undergone definitely has been trying in every aspect of my life. Today I thought was gonna be one of the worst days. We finally put his ashes in a resting place. I was emotional yes, but, it wasn’t debilitating. Not saying I’m done mourning because that just isn’t true. but I was able to sit there as the ashes were set into the niche, and decorations set, and we just sat there. We remembered. Then we went back to my dad’s house to eat. Let me tell you that we love to eat.

So about my journey. I’ve mentioned I’m diabetic, and I have absolutely no idea wtf happened in the last week. Friday I drank beer, which I was not giving up, and I was ok at first, then my sugars not only spiked, but they have yet to stabilize a week later. I have been stuffing my mouth full of meat since the body processing protein is supposed to lower sugars, and I’ve cut out most carbs. So at this point, I’m at a loss. I’m normally supposed to be under 180, and I think I’ve dipped under that twice. I took more medicine, literally DOUBLING my insulin, and it’s just not affecting me the way I’m expecting. If this keeps up, I’m going to have to go talk to my dr.

I have not had a single drop of whiskey to drink. No other alcohol other than beer. I have absolutely been tempted, and I think that in a few weeks, it’ll be easier. I hope the cravings go away since I see the bottles sometimes and feel that I could have just a little and no one would know. But then I’d know, and I’d feel bad about it. Besides, I need to hold myself accountable for it, and this is also why I’ve been writing here.

Speaking of writing, I’ve been ridiculously busy the last week so I didn’t get a chance to write as much as I wanted. I won’t be posting as often though because A) if I do I’ll run out of things to write about, and B) with the kids practice and other stuff going on, I don’t have the time for it always. I also posted on IG that I wouldn’t be posting negatively or venting there because the reality is that each person that sees those posts have their own issues. They have their own lives. So I began to feel really guilty posting, especially the last time I was having a panic attack at the grocery store. In hindsight, I was being selfish by posting there. So I won’t be posting these things there, however, after thinking about it I will mention it when I create a new post. I want to give people the option to read this on their own, knowing that this page will have my thoughts, ramblings, and emotions.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *