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Falling off the bus. Again.

So Sunday I decided to drink again. I’ve been seriously just feeling like I’m in a fugue. I try to be happy, I try to work everything out, but at night, those niggling thoughts come back. Sunday I just wanted to silence them. So I drank. I probably drank half a bottle easy. I didnt check, but I was trying to limit it, but one drink became two. Two became three. And I’m not exactly sure when it stopped. I was playing a video game, and I don’t remember the last like 20 mins I played. I mean I was also tired so I was starting to fall asleep, but it didnt help at all that I had been drinking. So back to square one. Back to trying all over again. It sucks because I know I’m going to fail again. This is not easy, never has been easy, and I feel like I’m losing control sometimes. I’m hoping that I can control this though. The one small section of my life that I would like to really move past and do better on.

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