I haven’t written anything in months, I was angry with everything for a bit. I was frustrated, still hurt overall with what happened over the last year, and honestly, just tired. Anger is such an… Read More »Changes

So Sunday I decided to drink again. I’ve been seriously just feeling like I’m in a fugue. I try to be happy, I try to work everything out, but at night, those niggling thoughts come… Read More »Falling off the bus. Again.

So last night, I was just in a rut. So I ended up pouring a little bit of jack into my drink. I’d already had some beer, but last week has been hammering me mentally.… Read More »Falling Down

Yeah I know I suck at titles, don’t care. Today, I thought about my death, and I didn’t freak out. No panic! attack. Just a calm decidedly simple thought, that it’s ok. This journey of… Read More »Death

I came to realize something tonight. It should have been obvious, obviously. Turns out that during the day, things aren’t so hard. I get to interact with people, work, take calls, go take the boys… Read More »The hardest time of the day

So most of what I’ve been dealing with has been directly related to my brother’s passing. From the heavy depression to the alcoholism, to the emotions overall. This journey I’ve undergone definitely has been trying… Read More »Final resting

So where to start. Depression is definitely no joke. When it comes down to the wire, I know I’m extremely depressed. Not suicidal at all, but I just can’t get over my emotions. And it’s… Read More »Not good

Ok so I’m not going to go deep into what happened, I think I mentioned enough in the last post. But I think it’s important to say that I felt like crap. Like super, duper,… Read More »Aftermath

I could have killed myself on accident. It actually took me a few weeks of wading through emotions, but I really could have killed myself and it would have totally been an accident. This is… Read More »The 1st entry